Hey, i've created this thread for you to post your best jokes, please keep them as clean as possible! :D
I'll start off..
A Blonde phones the fire brigade and says her house is on fire,fireman asks how do we get there? Blonde replies helloooo... IN THE BIG RED TRUCK!!
A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.Nothing happened.
She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said,
..."HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows."
A vampire bat comes back to his fellow vampires with a blood on his mouth. They stare at him jealously and ask him where he got the blood. He asks them, "Did you see that tree back there?"
"Sure," they reply.
"Well I didn't!" :-)
A young couple were going out for a fancy meal one night, they had phoned for a taxi so they could drink.
Before they went out, they made sure they chucked their cat out as they knew it would rip up their furniture.
When the taxi arrived, they went to leave the house and the cat ran back inside, so the young man goes back into the house to go get it, and his wife waits in the taxi. Not wanting to let the taxi driver know that the house was empty, she said to him "He's just saying goodbye to my mother, she gets upset otherwise."
After a few minutes, the guy gets into the taxi with a sigh of relief and says "That bitch hid under the bed and when I tried to get her to come out she scratched me! I managed to lock her out of the house this time so lets hope she stays out until we get back."
She was tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn't like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart.
In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn't an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it.
A few days later she was in a bar, and heard a couple of men laughing at a blonde joke. This was the perfect opportunity to start righting all the wrongs that had been done to blondes in the past - she would set these men straight!
Marching over at a rapid pace she announced,
"It isn't true that all blondes are stupid, and I will prove it. Just ask me the capital of any American state, and I will tell you what it is."
Although a little surprised, the men did challenge her and asked,
"Ok, how about Arizona?"
The Blonde, after pausing for a moments thought, proudly gave the answer,
"A"!
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
I feel sorry for homeless gay people; they have no closet to come out of. In fact, I imagine if you were gay and homeless, you'd probably be glad just to have a closet.
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